it’s 6:50 am. we’ll leave here in a little bit for our first chemo treatment. i’m finishing breakfast that danny made me to build up my energy some. as he handed it to me, he said “you know how strongly i feel like we’re gong to be together forever?, even more [...]
the other morning i woke up crying.
i looked over at leanne in the recliner and thought she might be dead.
really.
i’m not just saying that.
i actually thought she might be dead.
and then i got closer and looked to see if she was breathing.
and saw her shirt rising and falling, slowly, slowly.
it was the most scared i’ve [...]
sometimes i’m ok.
sometimes it all falls apart. i fall apart. wholly.
it’s such a trying space to be in,
to be overcome with grief, with fear, and then have to
change liddy’s diaper, or pay the electric bill or talk to the
contractors about what kind of windows we want.
i once wrote, long ago, that death always [...]
my dear dear sweet friends and family-
it’s late. what a terrible day- and that’s even the parts i remember. overall, i’m not too sore….. physically. the worst is where they put the port in- i almost wished i had chosen to go without it and just continue to get [...]
i’m sitting in a pile of kleenex.
mine and leanne’s.
in the waiting room.
i just walked out from the place
where she was getting ready for the procedure.
she’s crying so much.
i help her take her shoes off and then her socks.
her face has been getting whiter and whiter every day this week.
the cancer is growing.
i undo her bra [...]
that leanne wanted to be a mother more than anything. more than pizza. more than being in love. more than a great job. more than having good friends. more than traveling the world. more than snowshoeing. more than dinner for two. more than a wedding in [...]
there has been a shift.
it wasn’t so cold here today.
some of the ice actually gave up and released from itself. let down, like so much hair.
we were accepted into the trial. because of the clinical trial, medicine was flown out from Mayo and will be ready on friday to start chemo. so [...]
this is leanne writing. isn’t strange and funny how now, more than ever, daniel and i seem to blend together as one. yesterday was probably the worst day of my life. and then, tomorrow will be. and then many more. and then, hopefully some decent days with filter in. i [...]
have worked.
the first little decent sign in a while. with the pregnancy terminated, lee has now been conditionally accepted for a clinical trial on a drug to be added to her chemo. it means starting the chemo on friday (which is risky to wait, but we think it’s worth it, plus it’ll mean an [...]
