anxiously awaiting…..

Jump to Comments

is maybe kind of like hopelessly devoted.  let’s change the lyrics to “hopefully devoted”.  here we are- me and my danny.  a sweet kiss.  reassuring.  he’s had to do soooo much of that lately.  we tried to have a date saturday night and i just couldn’t stop crying- it was just was of those days, the more i tried to stop, the more i sobbed.  couldn’t even explain to dan why- so much these days is unexplainable.  the waitress would kind of quietly creep by to see if she could safely approach and dan would overcompensate for my avoiding contact with her by being over the top friendly.  then, the food sucked.  really sucked.  and that didn’t help anything.

anxiety is something new for me.  i’ve been good at worry for a long time, but i would never have described myself as anxious.   now, i don’t go to bed without ativan.   tonight will not be the exception.  tonight, the first night since lydia was born that she will (try) to sleep away from us- she’s trying to have her first slumber party at carley and kevin’s -with aunt sam too.  (it’s so strange to come home at 10:30 and not feel the need to tread quietly around the house and to not feel her cuddle before i go to bed)  and tomorrow morning will be really weird, anxiety producing no doubt.  no liddy to entertain us.  no food in my stomach (it has to be empty for the pet scan).  no answers of how well i’m responding to treatment until thurs afternoon (sorry folks, we won’t know right away).

so for now, focus on the sweet kiss above and the tender warmth i feel………..and wait a little longer.

i’m waiting hopefully………and anxiously.  and, no matter what the results of the scan show, we go on.  i go on.  it won’t change the treatment.  i just may need better sleeping meds :).

31 Comments

Filed under Week 6