it’s 3am
and lydia is curled up next to me in bed.
we’re long,
in the way that her entire body
head to toes
is touching mine.
the funny thing is that at 2 1/2
years old, she’s about the same size
as leanne.
so, in some ways it feels like leanne
is home.
but she’s not.
the fever keeps
coming back.
it’s strange because we’ve been together
so much [...]
so, it’s monday.
and leanne is in the hospital.
she spiked a fever of 102.4 yesterday,
so it’s off to the ER for fun and games
with needles and bags.
i hate watching my wife cry.
some people get off on that stuff,
but not me.
they poked around with the needle in the vein
because no one can get her port to work,
or [...]
posts. we were prolific this weekend.
there are four for those of you who only check when you’re at work.
ps - we love that you spend your “valuable” work hours reading this :)
pps - the view from the 12th floor is now on the pix page.
my mom, the therapist, once said
that people who buy king beds
get divorced.
what does she know.
she cries at coors beer commercials.
you know the one from the early gulf war 90s
where the soldier comes home
and suprises his mom in the kitchen
as she’s baking something special?
yeah, that one.
gets her every time.
me too, kinda.
damn.
lee and i bought a king [...]
so, last night when dan’s dad asked me if it was weird to have him and dan’s mom here at the same time, my first response was “no weirder than having cancer”, no weirder than sometimes having to save a day’s energy just for a shower, no weirder than watching and feeling someone else’s blood [...]
they thought maybe the port was broken.
so we went into the hospital again last week.
the port is about the size of a short stack of quarters.
it lives under her right clavicle
beneath the skin.
instead of going into the veins of her arm for the chemo
and the weekly blood draws
and everything else
they just stick a giant needle [...]
last night
i finally got out.
a talk to a group of writers.
they thought i would cancel, so they tried to cancel,
and then backtracked and uncancelled.
it snowed yesterday too.
the kind of snow that looks fake,
that you can blow right off your windshield
just by breathing.
what i want to say is that i didn’t expect
anyone to be there.
that i [...]
this is it?
this is chemo?
and this isn’t just chemo, this is the the worst week of the chemo cycle?
this is when the cells are at their lowest?
this is all you’ve got?
this is all you’re gonna throw at us?
leanne ate veggie lasagne the other night at a restaurant around the corner.
she cracked jokes about political pages [...]
five months ago leanne and i finally got pregnant
after trying for what seemed like so long.
she was tired, sure. but who isn’t tired chasing
a two year old around while carrying a pregnancy.
she was carrying around so much more than that.
in bed she started scratching.
not just one place,
but her whole body - her back and [...]
